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| i think i'm going to try and update xanga a bit more (i say that every time) to put life back into perspective.
so i was rummaging through my cluttered desktop and found this:
- Bad news, good news w/parents (ir bomb – oh the irony; ir-ony) - Welcome back to California traffic (2-hour to Berkeley) o So worth it, Thai and gossip goodness w/Young o Ice cream time! o Albany bowl – NOT - Staying w/Marina and Moorka – sleepless night, moorka sniffing face, going insane - Great breakfast, ikea/marshall’s shopping, bbq, badminton battle – captain caveman - Icky Vicky and Joanna – backing out of the chair in utter surprise; beer chili? - Santa Cruz, Jefo’s mansion on the coast; touching sea anemones,
i think i made a list of some cool things that happened over, was it thanksgiving break? sounds like it. man, oh man -- good times. a nice random treasure.
so today was a good day (even though i didn't get nearly as much done as i would have liked).
last night i found out that i finished all my anthro response papers when i thought i still had one! so if i do another one like i planned, it'll be extra credit (yay-yuh!) -- which, i just might do.
this morning, however, we got our papers back and i got a check plus on my last one! man, i had a tough time writing that one (3 hrs of spilling my brain over 2 double-spaced pages), and it was a grand surprise to me that i got a good grade.
i hate to say this, but i've been very lucky with grades lately.
it's both a blessing and a curse (this seems to be the motto of everything in my life right now).
here's the story:
because i'm so overwhelmingly busy with work, extracurriculars, overloading and film production -- i have not had the chance to do any of the reading for any of my classes, and i've actually stopped going to two of my lectures completely about a month or two ago, just so that i can keep up with homework.
the sad thing is -- is that i'm cheating the system, and it's working.
you'd think i'd be all about it -- great! i can still do fairly well without actually devoting time! but it actually makes me feel extremely guilty about the grades i get, especially if they are higher than those who actually put time and effort into their projects. it also makes me wonder about my personal potential that i am wasting. if i can get a Bs, B+s and even A-s without truly studying or trying, how well could I do if I put more into it? Could I be getting straight As?
It also makes me question the quality of my education. I'm (or better yet, my parents are) shelling out vast amounts cha-ching to fund this education, and of course it's my fault for not taking advantage of it, but still -- i don't think i should be able to half-ass my way through college and get decent grades.
i felt this way with APs in high school, but i think this case is different, and more serious. actually, i felt very challenged and spent a lot of time on AP Bio and English -- and it was extremely rewarding. College doesn't feel that way...
Oh well.
Things will be different next year. I will make them different. I have to, since it's technically my last year (I'm studying abroad all of senior year instead of graduating early -- taking advantage of the school's programs ;)).
All right, so how did I get side-tracked? Oh yes, anthro.
This class, let me tell you -- so so so difficult. The rare occasions I pick up the reading, it's like trying to digest rubber. I keep chewing and chewing, sometimes I have even fallen asleep because my brain just shuts off because it cannot handle the difficulty of the reading. As much as I love theories, concepts and liberal arts approaches, things like anthropology just do not get any easier. I chewed succesfully through philosophy, but anthropology just BEGS to be a science and I guess I'm too left-brained to grasp it. Anyhow, it's a course on european ethnographies and we have a fatty research paper due in two weeks, and well -- it's going to be a toughie, but my teacher has some hopes for me, we're meeting twice more before it's due -- so we'll see! I'd be happy with a B+, but I think I'm aiming for an A- in the course.
After anthro, I got a chance to edit my resume. I know I'm somewhat late in the game, but I'm trying to apply to as many internships as I can right now so at least I know I tried. I've had to reformat my resume from film to public policy/government and it was a bit of a toughie, but I think I've got it down now.
Thennn, at noon a friend took me out to lunch and paid (yes!)
ASB reunion picnic at 2pm, slamwich, mechanical bull and taboo goodness.
Viewed the footage for my final film, which came out absolutely amazing -- thank you, Cinelab!
Then, a mad rush to finish an internship application for Gavin Newsom's office before 5pm PST (which means 8pm for me!)
I'm really excited about this internship, and I have all of my possible fingers crossed -- I wish I had spent a bit more time on the application, but at least I got something together in the two hours I had. Oh well. :)
Talked to Britteny for 3 hours. I'm really excited about all the awesome phone calls I have lined up! Jessicaca, Ana, Nancy, and I'm thinking Young and Christy are due a ring! :)) Hopefully there'll be a few hours lying here and there, despite my insane mad dash to finish my films this week! Ahhhhhh!
Speaking of films. I really want to put together a good final film because, well, first off -- my grade depends on it :D but i guess more importantly, my friends and i have put a lot of work into it (oh, and not to mention money) and i'd really like for it to turn out as something good and worth while, and a good way to reward us is if my film got picked for the showcase (ahahahaha, i just wanna compete, it's the taurus in me -- what can i say?) :P
so, lots of finger crossing and knocking on wood going on here.
okay. work in 8 hours! time to sleep!
love
-t
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| Boo!
scared ya, huh?
i'm never on xanga anymore...poopsicles.
so i'm loitering in an editing room at BU, waiting for my film to transfer into a quicktime file...it's been about 15 minutes already, and i think it still has ways to go.
life's been nothing but stressful. i don't think i have ever felt as stressed and worn out in a very long time, if not in my entire life. things just taste bland and are boring if they are not sleep or food. i wonder if i'm learning something from this torturous period.
let's have a healthy recap:
(oh! AVID < editing program, just told me the conversion is 97% done!, yay-yuh!)
a few weeks, maybe months, and actually -- come to think of it, it might have been last semester, i decided to sit down and rank my priorities and adjust my life accordingly.
and even though i did this, the puzzle pieces are still not fitting.
have i finally reached my limit?
this is such a strange place.
one, that i thought i would never reach.
and my very personally-appropriate response is denial (one that also might not be the best).
i've spent the past year trying to prove myself that "i can do it."
but maybe i've finally reached that point, where maybe i just can't. there are those points, right?
i hope not (yet, i hope so).
i'm a little down in the dumps because of a recent tiff with a friend in school. i've actually not had any issues with people ever since high school, and let's just say i'm a bit out of practice. i think everything i've gone through (this sounds so dramatic, but i'd like to think i've learned a thing or two in high school), has definitely prepared me for college, and life's been nothing but smooth sailing in terms of people.
thinking back on that, i'm a little out of practice now. so i suppose these peaceful times have been both a blessing and a curse.
i'm just going to roll with the punches -- i don't think now's the time to be confrontational.
but one thing that's interestingly ironic that i'm starting to stumble on is that the more mature i am becoming by learning how to apologize, the less i'm getting back in terms of respect and mutual apologies. it's pretty distasteful, but what are you going to do? i'd rather be conscientious than always right.
work has had its ups and downs.
monday was great. we had a great staff, and it wasn't too too busy. i got to work the line -- always fun. we sang. we danced. we conquered, no doubts about it.
afterwards, partook in a fitting marathon monday barbecue in allston and then braved the weather by biking in the rain.
so things were supposed to get easier after i've shot my final film, but that is so not true. i have so much work (and make-up work) piled up for this week, it's pretty ridiculous. there are a few gems, i got an 87 on an exam i thought i failed, and am getting a midterm paper back tomorrow, that i'm hoping to have done well on, after all - i wrote a paper comparing Mao Zedong and Joseph Stalin.
also, thursday is monday schedule -- how lovely, only 9-10am class, 10am resume counselor appt., and film lab and hw all day, and no work!
all right, well my mind is just as all over the place as this post, so i think it's time to stop wasting time and do something productive (which at this point can only mean sleeping). :)
see you soon (hopefully), xanga!
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| the past two weeks have been some of the worst days in a really really long time.
but.
i'm giving up complaining, in the light of making myself feel better :)
i feel the need to make this official somewhere, and xanga seems appropriate.
the end.
(time to study for a midterm tomorrow!)
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| quick update, go!
so life has quickly come back to its crazy, hectic pace.
yesterday was insane.
6-8am radio
9am-3:30pm asb retreat (long meeting)
4-11pm work
time to get used to it! thank god i have next weekend off - sweet. :)
hopefully i'll be going to a film conference on saturday, and working on asb related stuff sunday.
so classes have begun, and i'm honestly a little worried about both of my economics classes. the lectures so far are pretty easy, just somewhat boring. the text on the other hand, is more difficult, and i haven't had to start on the problem sets just yet, but i'm pretty afraid. so we'll see.
i'm also apprehensive about film production. the cost is supposed to be $600 on the average for the semester, which apprently isn't too bad, but after i've paid around $500 for books, that's insane. i'm returning some of my books and buying old editions, so hopefully i'll have an extra $150 left, but, still.
i really need to make these projects worthwhile if i'm going to spend so much money on them. poop.
so first day of work since being back was saturday. everyone i'm good friends with at work was there today! it was sweet. lots of hugs and catching up. enjoyable.
yesterday was pretty good at work too. we were somewhat ahead, so when a late night rush came in, we were just right on time, not too shabby. plus kelly let me spin some crepes and also went crazy to beyonce. good times good times. ahaha
anyhow, i have work in about 2 hours and lots of stuff to do! ahhh.
take care!
-t
ps. it's been a winter wonderland here, snow falling constantly, and very nice fluffy, i wanna be your friend snow. BUT, there's piles, and inches upon inches of it now. i think yesterday it snowed at least 8 inches, maybe more!
here are some pics from my street!
beautiful alley i get to walk on everyday!
bay state.
this was just the morning snow piling up, after they've already cleared it, at least an inch or two.
our building, we live on the third floor.
lots of snow piling up on branches, awesome.
alley at night, lots of snow! :))
loving it!
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| ay, i've been trying to update more often, but i really haven't - well, that's lame.
maybe the reason for this is that things have been rolling along at a numb, yet somewhat painful pace.
this winter break has been quite frankly a disaster. i wonder if listing everything that went wrong will make it better, but i'm not one to dwell, so why reminisce?
i'm thinking, even though i don't want to go back to school, maybe it'll change the onslaught of these misfortunate events. you never know! let's see what's waiting for me in boston, namely - what i'm looking forward to, and let's add a hint of what i still have left to take care of before next tuesday. (man, this is going to be one heck of a boring entry, but hey - it's an entry!)
in boston,
there'll be feet of snow awaiting my arrival.
despite all the damp hassle, it's actually really uplifting to see overwhelming piles of snowy goodness everywhere. maybe sarah and i will have a few snow days, and (attempt to) make snow angels on random lawns around campus. yess.
there will be new classes. i'm taking micro and maco econ. i didn't like econ in hs, so we'll see how this works out. they're prerequisites for my newly accquired second major, international relations (ir). i'm sure these classes will be a change from what i'm used to; formulas and math is not something i had to worry about for a while now in film studies courses.
i'm also taking a post ww2 history class, and an anthro class on europe. pretty excited for the latter, because i think we're focusing on central and eastern europe.
last, but not least (at least not yet), first film production course. should be working with 16mm, bw film. non-synchronuous sound though, we'll see how that goes. i heard the costs for that class are through the roof. eek. better be good!
so overloading this semester, 5 courses, 4 discussions, 20 credits. lottttttts of class time.
basically, i'm putting my whole "the more busy i am, the better i do" philosophy to the test; a really hard test.
there will be work at the creperie. i'm excited to see my co-workers again, earn some money of course. add some flavor to life, with my manager's constant attempts to convert me into a proud american, and my constant sly attempts to shove as much communist and slavik propoganda at him. hehe, lovely. i almost scared him into thinking i didn't have a social security number, which wouldn't look too good for him. bwahaha.
there will be alternative spring break. planning will really go underway. everything will be maxed out, but hopefully the trip will be as rewarding as last time. more office hours though, eep.
there will be dj-ing at 6am on sundays, w/ three girls who don't share my taste in music. but let's be optimistic, our demo wasn't too bad. hopefully we'll get some order and equality in choosing music for the 2 hour segments (unlike the 30 minute one).
there will be summer-plans hunting. currently pretty empty, most likely a full-time job to raise some much needed funds. but there's always the option of an amazing internship that's yet to be found.
and one more, there will be friends, i haven't seen in about a month. although we're not so close, and there's not many, i think it'll be nice. spring in boston always brings out the best in people. picnics, bike rides, lovely flowers, merriness.
so for now, all i have to do is pretend to know what i'm doing regarding finance (paying for tuition, books, next year's apartment, credit bills, and subway), and make sure to be timely with paperwork (officially applying for the double major, actually doing my reading in those textbooks that cost so much, and writing letters and entries wherever they are needed).
oh, and well also attempt to see everyone i can before tuesday (or monday, since i have dentist appt. number 4, which i'm sure will take too long).
sweet.
until next time,
-t
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